Archive for the ‘New Year’s Resolutions’ category

The 2012 Resolution Solution: 7 Steps To Lasting Change

January 2nd, 2012

Every year, we make New Year’s resolutions only to make the same resolutions again the following year.  Whether it’s to lose weight, improve a relationship, take better care of our health, exercise, spend more quality time with our kids or aging parents, save more money, or improve our standing in the workplace.  Year after year, for most of us, we resolve to fix the same old problem.  Why is that?  What gets in the way of us achieving our goals, satisfying our resolution?

LIES: Labels, Illusions; Excuses; and Stories.  That’s what gets in the way of goal achievement.  LIES are the thoughts, beliefs and feelings determine our range of choices and define how we behave.

LIES: Labels, Illusions, Excuses and Stories set up unnecessary, false limits.  LIES undermine our belief that we can change; challenge our ability to dream big, or at all; they limit the range of options we see for ourselves.

How do you recognize LIES? They sound like this:

  • I can’t because…
  • I don’t know how to…
  • They won’t let someone like me…
  • I just don’t have the time to…
  • Everybody [feels, thinks, is] that way.
  • Everybody does – sometime.
  • I’ll do it later, when I have more time; not now.
  • When ___ happens, then I’ll be able to…
  • When the kids are older I’ll…
  • That kind of thing happens to other people, not me.
  • That will never happen. Nobody in my family [neighborhood, school, racial or ethnic group] has ever___before.
  • Well, what if…

Setting a goal is like looking at just the tip of an iceberg. What we see and are aware of is a tiny part of the whole thing. We can write it down and make it tangible so that we can look at it and read it.

The issue is what’s beneath the waterline – all the stuff that makes up our attitude and beliefs. And we all know that half of any battle or achieving any goal is our attitude. But what makes up our attitude is so often outside of our awareness. Get that. The stuff that’s really running my show is outside of our awareness. And a good portion of what makes up the base of the iceberg, which is the majority of it, isn’t the truth.

Join me in making 2012 the year of letting go of LIES and practicing the 7 A’s, a process for melting the iceberg; dispelling the LIES in your life, and being accountable for lasting change.

The 7 A’s for Lasting Change

  1. Analyze yourself and your situation. Where am I today? How did I get here? How did I create this? What LIES did I use to construct my world as I know it?
  2. Accept where you are today, without complaint, blame, or shame. You are not a problem, and neither is the situation, really. You’re just at a point where you have a desire for something else. That’s good.
  3. Acknowledge what you want. Be clear and specific about your desire. Write it down, describing it in such detail that you can see it and feel it. Get emotionally connected to what you want, not desperate or begging, just feeling great every time you think about having what you want.
  4. Access Awareness of what you think about this thing or situation you desire; how you really feel when it comes to mind; and what you believe about this thing and your right or ability to have this thing in your life. Note how you feel about the goal or desire; your attraction and fears about it; your resistance to a big YES! What do you think and how do you feel? Write it down. Ask: am I committed?
  5. Allow a range of choices and options to surface, once you’re committed. Think about the choices you’ve identified. Discern which options will lead toward your goal? Consciously choose; mindfully decide which option will serve you best. Imagine yourself using that option. Make your visualization vivid. What are the consequences? Are the consequences aligned with your desire, or do they work against you having what you want?
  6. Act only when you are really ready and have chosen an action that will lead to the consequence you want. You want to think it through and feel it through, the action needs to line up with both your best thinking and best feelings.
  7. Assess the results and reengage in the cycle. The process or cycle is never-ending. It continues throughout your lifetime. The more conscious and aware you are of it, the more success you’ll have achieving your goals and creating change that lasts.

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Perfect or Excellent? Which Do You Shoot For?

November 15th, 2011

I was listening to Arthur Joseph discuss Vocal Awareness, a powerful concept he founded. He and his work are powerful.

Arthur asked, “Do you strive to be perfect or excellent?”

Hearing the question, I felt surprised by it. Clearly, the way he posed the question suggested there was a difference between the two, but it wasn’t a distinction I’d ever considered. Yet, the moment I heard the question, simultaneous to my surprise, I got it.

Intuitively, I understood – or at least I had a handle on my own interpretation of his message. And, I’m sure Arthur could add far more dimension and depth to the distinction between perfect and excellent than I was able to grasp in the moment. Yet, the question provided me with a gift.

From Arthur’s question, “Do you strive to be perfect or excellent,” several thoughts occurred to me.

  • Perfection is illusive and fleeting. It never lasts.
  • Perfection is a fantasy that fuels LIES That Limit and is usually based on a narrow, impossible to achieve image or idea.
  • Excellence is a way of being.
  • Excellence is birthed when you live up to your intention to simply be your best, moment-to-moment, day-to-day.

As I listened to Arthur, I thought to myself, “I will never be perfect, yet I can be excellent every day of my life. I can string together moments of excellence – moments of me doing my best at whatever I’m engaged in. In so doing, I’ll create an extraordinary life – a life that pleases me and represents me well. ”

I won’t delude myself with fantasies of being perfect, in thought, word or deed. As a Spirit of Purpose, I’ll simply shoot for excellence. Day-to-day, moment-to-moment, being excellent means that I’ll do my best to take another step towards making the unique contribution that I was born to make. That’s my work. Consider making it yours, too.

LIES That Limit will help you let go of the voices in your head that hold you back.  Order your copy today!

 

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Are You A Spirit of Purpose?

October 25th, 2011

Have you uncovered the deepest truth of who you really are and what you’re here to experience and contribute? If you’re like most people, you’re searching for the answer to those questions.

John said, “I want to know who I am and why I’m here. And, I don’t want to know. “

“Why not?,” I asked.

“It’s simple. If I know I’ll have to do something about it. I might have to change. I don’t know if I’m ready for that.”

Like John, you may not know the answer to these questions…not with consistent certainty. You do alotto avoid criticism and scrutiny.  Perhaps you’ve habitually distorted your desires and contorted your actions to conform and gain others’ acceptance and approval.  Now, you find yourself equivocating; questioning your right to dream a different dream; fearing your truth; resisting saying, “YES!” to the call that comes from deep within.  You doubt your ability to connect with your inner guidance and hear what this part of you has to say about who you are and why you’re here. You do the approach-avoidance dance and disconnect from the real you.

You ARE a Spirit of Purpose™!

Spirit, a spark of the divine universal life force, is the energy that animates your mind and body. You’re here to make a specific and unique contribution – to fill a need that no one else but you can satisfy.  Your Spirit and Purpose have been calling to you – loudly or softly – all of your life.  It will never be silenced.

How do you connect with your Spirit of Purpose™?  That’s the question we’ll continue to explore because Spirit of Purpose™ is who and what you are, and it’s an organization with an evolving and growing community.  The intent of Spirit of Purpose, LLC is to support you on your journey to remembering the deeper truth of who you really are and why you’re here.

Through our work, be it LIES That Limit, future books and articles, this blog (which will soon be renamed The Spirit of Purpose™ Blog), workshops, speaking engagements, as well as one-on-one and group coaching sessions, Spirit of Purpose, LLC is dedicated to providing content that will enable you to live a better life — one directed and driven by your authentic self.  The journey begins when you identify and let go of all the ways you have been trained, tricked and coerced into living LIES That Limit.

LIES That Limit was written to help you undo the damage of the labels, illusions, excuses and stories that sabotage your success, narrow your range of choices and limit the fulfillment of your deepest, most noble desires. Doing the work described in LIES That Limit is the first step on the path to living fully as the Spirit of Purpose™ you are.

Living and leading with the Spirit of Purpose™ you are is about reclaiming your real brilliance, power, majesty, creativity and calling. When you reconnect with that truth, you will have a better life – the one you were born to have.

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Failure Is the New Success: 8 Ways to Embrace Failure

May 24th, 2011

Everywhere you turn these days, people who’ve “made it” are encouraging us to embrace failure. Denzel Washington told the 2011 graduating class at Ivy League University of Pennsylvania that if they’re not failing, they’re not trying.

Tavis Smiley’s new book “Fail Up” recounts many crisis along his life path that could have easily derailed the successful, high-profile media personality.

This notion is very difficult for many – including me – to surrender to, even though safe, guarenteed outcomes are an illusion. With each decision we make, we weigh the risks and the benefits, and move toward the outcome we feel we can most easily live with. Often times we end up not achieving our dreams because we were so afraid of failure that we don’t even try.

A colleague recently shared with me that during a discussion with friends, they all agreed that there’s little reward for doing what you’re supposed to do. Coloring between the lines doesn’t get you noticed. Instead, it gets you overlooked, because the spotlight and attention are on the people “in trouble.” How many times have you heard about CEO’s who failed miserably, were fired and then hired by another prestigious company? I bet you don’t have to think long or hard to find a story of a colleague or acquaintance who got promoted even though everyone thought they were a “screw up.”

So what does this mean to you and your success path? If you’re a “play it safe” kind of person, how can you learn to love failure? How can we dilusional safe seekers become dream-fulfilling risk takers?

  1. Learn to recognize when you’re letting fear of failure keep you from doing something you really want versus making a rational decision about doing something that’s not right for you.
  2. Let your Authentic Self be your guide. Don’t grasp at things that are just about making money, following other people’s dreams (like the guy on the infomercial who makes a million dollars a month flipping real estate) or impressing the opposite sex. Those motivators aren’t enough to carry you through the thorny path to success. “LIES That Limit: Uncover the Truth Of Who You Really Are” is a tremendous tool for identifying your Authentic Self.
  3. When seeking advice from friends, rather then taking their criticism as a reason not to proceed, use it as a way to inform yourself about the obstacles you’ll face and figure out how to overcome them.
  4. Make a list of the things you failed at that didn’t get you fired, killed or banished from a group you cherish. We’ve all failed at something and still we’re here to tell the tale. Remembering that those failures didn’t completely do us in helps put the risks into perspective.
  5. Don’t plan for what you’ll do if you fail. That gives you a mental out that will make it easier for you to give up.
  6. Take small, slightly riskier steps forward than you feel comfortable with.
  7. Educate yourself on what it would take, make a list of what you need to do and start knocking the items off one at a time. As you find out what it takes, there will be steps that feel overwhelming and frightening. Address the aprehension you’re feeling by asking yourself exactly what you’re afraid of instead of letting that feeling in your chest stop you in your tracks. Say it out loud. Write it down. It’s occupies more space in your head then it will out in the universe.
  8. Know your boundaries. Donald Trump takes big risks, but he also has big resources to back him up. I don’t imagine he’ll ever take a big enough risk to lose everything, and neither should you.

Reconnect with your Authentic Self.  Read “LIES That Limit.”

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Financial Fitness Mid-Year Check Up

May 10th, 2011

This past January, Financial Advisor Steven Girard, President of Northstar Financial Companies, Inc., gave the LIES That Limit™ community 9 outstanding, easy-to-follow tips for getting into financial shape.  It was the start of the new year when everyone’s mind was squarely on how they were going to improve their life in 2011!  As we approach the 6-month mark, how are you doing?

If you committed to make some changes, as we revisit the checklist, you’ll likely find that you’ve accomplished portions – if not all – of what you set out to do.  Congratulations!  You’ve started a journey that will only serve you well.

If you look back on the first half of 2011 and decide, “I can do better,” there’s still time to go for it!  Today is just as good as January 1st when it comes to starting new habits.

Let’s revisit those nine tips and see how we’re doing.

1.) Get Moving! Did you make the commitment to be more involved in your financial life rather than being a financial couch potato?  Did you take more notice of what comes in vs. what goes out?  If you still need to jump on that, the 3-part series Steve wrote on managing your personal finances continues to be a wonderful place to start.  Here are quick links so you don’t have to go fishing.

2.) Go On A Financial Diet. Have you seen the Spring surge of diet and gym advertising?  Summer means the chance to show off the new body, but it’s also a time when spending increases.  Vacations and the call of costly outdoor activities like al fresco dining, sporting events, concerts and festivals – all designed to separate you from your hard-earned money. Get to know your spending habits and budget through pre-planning.  Steve’s suggestions: “Go through your checkbook and ATM receipts for the last few months.  What have you spent money on?  Write these expenses down.”  Some banks and credit card companies are now categorizing your purchases or allowing you to do so – separating your fixed monthly expenses like heat, electricity, rent or mortgage from the added ones like going out to eat, entertainment and one time purchases?  Steve suggests setting “the fixed expenses aside and focus on the added financial calories.”

3.) Get Leaner. Cutting expenses doesn’t have to mean doing without.  Where’s the fat in your financial plan?  Maybe another insurance agency can save you money through bundling your coverage.  Maybe your cable TV package can be scaled back – afterall, you’ll be spending more time out of the house this coming summer.  When’s the last time someone called you on that landline?  And does that cell phone plan still serve your needs or are you always paying for extra minutes?  These questions can help you lose the fat and keep it off.

Steven Girard

4.) Build A Plan. Have you established your goals?  Have you taken the time to determine where you really want to be in 5, 10, 15 years?  Or at what age you want to retire?  Or what college for your kids is likely to cost?  Once you have the end in mind, you can develop your personal plan.  If that’s a step you still need to take, here’s Steve’s recommended roadmap.

5.) Build Muscle. So for some, steps 1 through 4 were nothing!  For those folks, Steve has provided a healthy financial workout that will help you build muscle – in other words, “build up enough cash to cover 3-6 months of your leaner monthly expenditures.”  Only then does he recommend that you start to save and invest with longer term, future goals in mind.

6.) Hire A Trainer. Or in this case, a financial advisor.  According to Steve, a good place to start is by interviewing a handful to find the one that best meets your needs and personality.  Ask your friends for referrals.  Ask for references.  Do your due diligence.  Taking the time and care to do this step right can help you avoid future setbacks.

7.) Stay Educated. Maybe reading the Wall Street Journal just isn’t your cup of tea.  There are so many ways to get information and stay up to date about big financial news, that you can have your pick.  You can even follow some trusted financial news sources on Facebook.  Can’t promise that the information on Facebook or Twitter will make you a financial superstar, but what I am suggesting is that you find the information sources and delivery methods that work for you.  Steve’s suggestions are available in “9 Steps to Financial Fitness in 2011.”

8.) Stay Balanced. Steve’s advice to his clients: “We must plan for tomorrow, plan for the ongoing risks around us, but we are alive and breathing today. So live for today as well.”  Just like in dieting, starving yourself will only serve you in the short term.  “Don’t cut yourself off from the things that bring you joy.  A solid financial life, which is part of a life well led, is all about balance.”

9.) Buy A New Belt. If you’re out shopping for a new belt because you’ve trimmed the fat and are financially fit, I wholeheartedly commend you!  Share your story with others here at LiesThatLimit.com.  Your success is another person’s inspiration.  If you’re still working your way through tips one through eight, congratulate yourself for your successes to date, and take the next step. One foot in front of the other.  That’s how you climb any mountain!

Click here for your FREE chapter of "LIES That Limit!"

 

 

 

 

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What Progress Have You Made With Your 2011 Plans and Resolution?

May 3rd, 2011

Within 30 days, we’ll be half way through 2011.  That being so, today seems like a good time to initiate a mid-year progress check.

Relative to your 2011 plans and resolutions:

  • What are your 2011 goals?
  • What have you accomplished so far?
  • What do you feel pleased about/proud of?What have been your disappointments or setbacks, if any?
  • What else is needed to make progress with your goals?
  • What course-correction is required?
  • What more do you want to accomplish in the remaining six months?

Today, take some time to reflect on your 2011 journey to date. Give attention to the road you’ve travelled this year and affirm all you’ve done to serve your sense of purpose and to support the success of others.

Whatever the quality of your year so far, focus on what you’ve learned, the ways in which you’ve stretched and grown, the joy you’ve felt, and the love and compassion you’ve shared. Make a list of everything – large and small – that comes to mind. Then, review your list with a sense of self-appreciation and gratitude for all that you’ve embodied, embraced, accomplished or contributed to.

Sit silently for a moment and send appreciative thoughts to those who’ve played a role in making your 2011 as good as it has been thus far – whether the first half of your year has been filled with sparkling achievements, warm connection, or constant challenges and struggles.

Into the remainder of the year, carry forward all that helps you feel strong and clear about who you really are and what your unique purpose or calling is. Claim all that will help you live true to the call of your Spirit and sense of Purpose.

Remember, the best resolutions – the ones we’re most likely to fulfill AND feel full-filled by – are the ones our hearts and minds say, “Yes,” to…the ones that strengthen our connection to Spirit and our particular Purpose. Reflect before you resolve to act. Get your head and heart aligned and working in service to your Spirit of Purpose.

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Guest Blog: 9 Steps To Financial Fitness in 2011

January 18th, 2011

How to Shape Up, Thin Down and Build Financial Muscle!

Steven Girard

Financial Advisor Steven Girard returns with great advice to help us get in financial shape in the new year!

As many of us do when facing a New Year, we make resolutions to better our lives in some manner. As it seems many of these resolutions revolve around getting in shape I thought, in the spirit shedding some excess, I’d discuss some strategies for losing a couple of notches on your financial belt.

1.)    Get Moving! Like the beginning of any weight loss program we have to get up and get moving.  This means committing to being involved in your financial life and no longer allowing yourself to be a financial couch potato.  The easiest way to get out of financial shape is to become lazy about managing your finances.  By taking your eye off the ball you can quickly find yourself overcommitted to expenses , your savings dwindling and your debt rising.  So step one is to recommit.  Be aware of what you earn, (what comes in), and what you spend, (what goes out) and what you need to save for your future goals.  A good place to start would be to reread my last three contributions to the LIES That Limit blog to get things rolling:

2.)    Go On A Financial Diet. If you want to lose weight you have to watch what you eat. The same applies to your finances. Go through your checkbook and ATM receipts for the last few months. What have you spent money on? Write these expenses down. Which ones are core, monthly expenses like heat, electricity, rent or mortgage? And which were discretionary like going out to eat, entertainment, one time purchases? Set the fixed expenses aside and focus on the added financial calories. Can you alter your lifestyle in some manner to reduce expenses? Perhaps go out to dinner one or two fewer times a month, rent a movie at home instead of going to a theatre, reduce your impulse buying?  Realize that we all like, and need, to live a full life.  But try to keep the excess expenses in control and within your budget.

3.)    Get Leaner. So you have identified the added financial calories in your life and made some changes.  Now let’s get leaner.  Review the fixed cost sheet you have developed.  Are there minor changes that can made there?  For example, car and homeowners insurance is really owned to cover large events you financially would have difficulty paying for (your car is stolen or your house burns down).  It’s not meant for small occurrences and claims. Examine your deductibles.  Can you afford to increase those to the maximum?  If you have the cash on hand to pay a larger deductible then make it the highest you can. You will find your premium reduces significantly allowing you to have more monthly cash flow.  Can you alter your cable television bill?  Do you need all the channels you have?  Would it be cheaper to drop premium channels and subscribe to a service like Netflix instead?  Or worse, are you paying for services you don’t even use?  Do you have both a landline and cell phone?  Would it be cheaper to just use your cell phone?  Do you use all your cell phone minutes and exceed those on your plan and get penalized with larger monthly bills or are you paying for too many minutes?  Do this for all your bills.  Review them all in detail.  Call each company, and their competitor, to see if there are cheaper products or services they provide for what you are seeking.

4.)    Build A Plan. The way to stay fit for the rest of your life and not have to commit to the same old New Year’s resolutions every year is to build a plan you can commit to.  Identify and qualify the things you want to be and have in your life.  Establish these as goals.  Plot out what it will take monetarily to achieve these goals and what it will take you saving each month to get there. My previous blogs provide the details for constructing this plan.

5.)    Build Muscle. You’ve begun to lose weight.  You have established a personal plan of action.  Now let’s get stronger.  Establish a savings account. Build up enough cash to cover 3-6 months of your leaner monthly expenditures.  Once that is established start to save and invest your money for your longer term future goals.  At this point you have cut out excess, set aside emergency funds and have started to accumulate wealth for your future desires.  You are financially stronger for it.

6.)    Hire A Trainer. Like any exercise regimen if you need help that’s ok.  If managing your financial life is too difficult for you then hire a Financial Advisor to assist you.  Interview a handful and find the one that best meets your needs and personality.  Ask your friends for referrals.  Who do they use and are they satisfied.  Ask for references.  Do your due diligence. Like a bad trainer a bad Financial Advisor can set you back, so take your time and make sure you are fully comfortable with the one you choose.

7.)    Stay Educated. Try to keep current with what is going on in the financial world around you. There are very good websites like Yahoo Finance or MSN Money. Periodicals like the Wall Street Journal, Kiplinger’s, Smart Money are informative.  There’s financial radio programming on stations like NPR or your local news/talk station.  And, there are massive amounts of books written on financial planning and management at your library or book store.

8.)    Stay Balanced. My final bit of advice to you is to stay balanced. As I tell all of my clients we must plan for tomorrow, plan for the ongoing risks around us, but we are alive and breathing today so live for today as well. Don’t cut yourself off from the things that bring you joy now.  A solid financial life, which is part of a life well led, is all about balance.  Tighten up the budget, build a plan for tomorrow, save and invest, but also go to that movie with friends or go out to dinner with your spouse.  Just do them all in moderation.

9.)    Buy A New Belt. If you commit to doing the things above go ahead, reward yourself, go buy a new belt because you will find the old one no longer fits.

Have a very happy and prosperous New Year.

Steven B Girard is the President of Northstar Financial Companies, Inc., and the Principal of the  Registered Investment Advisor firm.  With over 18 years of financial planning experience, he believes that financial planning is the key to achieving a life lived well.  He is responsible for the development and institution of Northstar Financial Companies, Inc., its overall philosophy, and financial planning strategies.  Email:  steve@nstarfinco.com.

Securities offered through Registered Representatives of Cambridge Investment Research, Member FINRA/SIPC. Advisory services offered through Northstar Financial Companies, Inc. a Registered Investment Advisor. NFC and Cambridge are not affiliated.

Northstar Financial Companies, Inc.
1100 E. Hector St. Ste 399
Conshohocken PA 19428
(800) 220-2161

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5 Tips for Overcoming the LIES™ That Make You Break Your New Year’s Resolution

January 11th, 2011
Why do people fail so early and so often?

Year after year, many people resolve to fix the same old problem.  Why?  What gets in the way of achieving goals, satisfying your resolution and making lasting change?  Labels, Illusions, Excuses and Stories or LIES™ – limiting thoughts, beliefs and feelings that determine the range of choices you believe you have.

Learn to recognize LIES that are crippling you.  They’re reflected in sentences that start with:

  • I can’t because…
  • I don’t know how to…
  • They won’t let someone like me…
  • I just don’t have the time to…
  • Everybody [feels, thinks, is] that way.
  • Everybody does___ sometime.
  • I’ll do it later, when I have more time; not now.
  • When__ happens, then I’ll be able to…
  • When the kids are older I’ll…
  • That kind of thing happens to other people, not me.
  • Nobody in my family [neighborhood, school, racial or ethnic group] has ever – before.
  • But what if…

Here are the 5 A’s for making lasting change in 2011 and beyond:

Analyze yourself and your situation. Where am I today?  How did I get here? How did I create this?  What LIES™ did I use to construct my world as I know it?  Access Awareness of what you think about the thing or situation you want.  How do you really feel when you bring it to mind? Scared, reluctant, overwhelmed, uncertain, self-critical?  What do you believe about your right or ability to have this thing in your life?  Write it down.  Ask:  am I committed?  Answer honestly, even if you have to own up to conflicted feelings.

Accept where you are today, without complaint, blame or shame. You are not a problem, and neither is the situation.  You’re just at a point where you have a desire for something else.  That’s a good place to be.

Acknowledge what you want. Be clear and specific about your desire.  Write it down, describing it in such detail that you can see it and feel it.  Get emotionally connected to what you want, not desperate or begging, just feeling great every time you think about having what you want.

Act only when you’re really ready. Allow a range of choices and options to surface, once you feel committed to what you want.  Think about the choices you’ve identified.  Consciously choose options that will lead toward your goal and serve you best.  Act only when you have chosen actions that will lead to the consequence you want.  You don’t have to adhere to the social pressure of a false start date, like New Year’s Day.  Maybe Year’s Day is when you begin your self-analysis rather than the day you force yourself to start your diet.

Assess your results and reengage in the cycle. The process or cycle – the 5 A’s for making lasting change – is never-ending.  It continues throughout your lifetime.  The more conscious and aware you are of it, the more success you’ll have achieving your goals and creating change that lasts.

Get your copy of “LIES That Limit” to keep you on track and focused on your goals in 2011!

Click here to order.

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